I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I faked an abortion last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
