its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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