oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
