I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
