You're so nebulous sometimes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
