We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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