Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
