why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
