Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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