If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
