i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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