I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
false alarm, still single
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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