I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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