just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
