He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
