Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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