the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
