just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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