nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
