Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
