anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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