Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
