If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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