i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
