My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
