I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
