Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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