ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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