Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You can't special order awesome
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
