Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
