Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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