i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
