she told me i tasted like america
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
