Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Farmville is her only friend.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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