is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
