Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
