By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
