dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
