My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
