so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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