Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
