The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
