You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
