I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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