separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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