I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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