Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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