why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
