i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
