I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
