I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
