i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
